The King of Pain

So here I am, half working, half chatting with Neil, this guy I met through E-Harmony and I dare not tell Leroy. He'll never let me hear the end of it. He keeps trying to set me up with guys he knows, but they're all superheroes.

Neil and I have been chatting for a couple of weeks, trading jokes back and forth. For now, we seem to be getting along fine. But with my luck in men, that could change real quick.

I was enjoying myself until Daniel, the intern for my department, comes in and closes the door. "Guess what I just heard?" he asked running over to my desk. I quickly minimized my screen. Some of the things Neil was hinting at were not for young eyes.

"I heard that the new guy Karl, is into bondage." I know my eyes nearly popped from my head. There's no way they couldn't have.

You have to understand. Karl was this little ivy league yuppie that the office just hired to improve their chances at getting a grant. Considering the poor boy just started on Monday, I really didn't think that he had gotten so friendly with anyone that he just blurted something like that out. You'd have to see him to understand what I mean: Blond hair, blue eyes, slim build, with perfectly capped teeth. His wife, (he has picture of the two of them together on his desk) is pretty much the same. They look more like brother and sister than husband and wife. And to put the icing on the cake, she's expecting!

Strictly out of curiosity I asked "What kind of bondage? Is he beating somebody's ass, or is he getting his ass kicked?"

I don't think I've ever seen Daniel laughing so hard. "He's likes getting his ass kicked. And check this out." By now he's laughing so hard he's about to pee on himself. "They said his dominatrix name is Big Bertha." Now normally, I try not to get involved with the rumors in this office (though we have had some spicy ones), but this was too good to pass up. I had Daniel quickly fill me in on the rest of the so called "details" and sent him back to work.

A few minutes later, I happened to look up and see Leroy walk by my office coming back from a meeting, (did I mention that Leroy's always in a meeting?) when I see this crazy expression on his face. I started to call him, but then again, I've been in meetings with Ron. He was gonna need a few minutes.

So, I go back to chatting with Neil, who's trying to talk me into going out with him. I'm toying around with the idea, but thoughts of him and Kara meeting give me hives. I'm trying to figure out how to let Neil down gently, and talk him into starting with a cup of coffee when Leroy walks into my office and closes the door. "I am so sick of Ron. Him and the new guy Karl got into it in the meeting today. I bet by the end of the day Ron will have started a rumor about him."

"You're late." I said crossing my arms. "That rumor surfaced while you guys were in your meeting." From what I could understand, Ron must have hit the grind as soon as this poor kid walked in the office. How does he do it?

I cringed when Leroy pulled his arm back and looked like he was gonna hit something. Luckily for me, he was able to pull himself together. One good punch from him, and this little raggedy building would fall apart. Hold on. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea after all? Maybe I should egg him on a little more.

So I proceeded to give him some of the other details. "He supposedly has this dominatrix named Big Bertha that ties him up and spanks him. She's a very statuesque 6'2, coal black, and has blond cornrows."

"Did you say blond cornrows?" Leroy started to look really strange for a minute before running out. "I'll call you later." he said. How in the hell does Ron find all of this stuff out?

All I can say is, his days are definitely numbered.