Re-match

Did I ever tell you what happened when I left the bar after my date with Neil? No?

Well it just so happens that I paid the bill (with the money he left of course!) and proceeded to make my way home. And just who did I happen to see hanging out in the line outside the club as I left? None other than E-Klypse. Did I mention that his real name is Byron? He needed his butt kicked for that alone.

Of course, E-Klypse and I had unfinished business, and what better time to finish it than the present? I ducked into the alley to make a quick costume switch. It worked to my advantage that he hadn't seen me yet.

Everyone started buzzing as I walked down the line towards him. He was partially turned around talking to some girl in a microdress so short that if she sneezed, she'd be arrested for indecent exposure.

So ever so nicely, I walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. Before he could turn around fully, I clocked him with a right that sent his punk butt sprawling into the building across the street.

I heard all the exclamations behind me. This was a touchy situation. You have to be very careful when approaching super villians out of costume. People tend to think you're just walking up and whipping somebody's ass for no reason.

But knowing E-Klypse the way I do, he immediately sent out a sunburst. For some reason, I think that's his only special power. But does it bother me? I'm an earth element. I love the sun. One day he'll figure that out.

Anyway, I was really supercharged thanks to his little tantrum. We proceeded to throw down, but this time, I didn't have the same issues that I did last time. Which meant about 15 minutes later, he was out cold. The police pulled up and realized who he was. That saved me a lot of trouble. Looking at my watch, I realized it was getting late. I needed to get back to Kara.

Just as I was about to lift off, the hoochie E-Klypse (Byron-what were his parents thinking?)was talking too asked, "Hey! What did he do?"

I didn't feel like going into a long list of his transgressions with a civilian, so I improvised. "He's late on his child support payments for all six of his kids."

The expression on her face was worth it. Humans can be so gullible.

The Holiday Party - The other side

That was a hell of a Xmas party.

Karl had already told me what his plans were, and I added a little something extra to lower inhibitions. I figured since he wasn't going to be here and was going to take the blame for it anyway, I figured I'd have a little fun.

It took about exactly five minutes after the punch was put out before everyone became extremely mellow. I saw Leroy when he finally got to the party. Looks like my salve had him looking like new.

I stood up to catch him before he drank the punch, but I was too far away. I'd never get to him in time. The last thing I needed was him getting drunk and starting to fly around the ballroom. Luckily, Karl cut him off before he got to the punch.

As the night progressed, you would have thought you had walked into one of the most raunchy clubs in the red-light district. By the time I stood up to announce the evening entertainment, the 19 year-old intern was under the table with the VP's wife. I don't know what the were doing, but there was definitely a whole lot of shaking going on.

The girls started singing, and I noticed that Leroy was so mesmerized by the time Rona got to her strip tease, he didn't see the President of the company leaving the room arm-in-arm with Samantha in marketing. (I actually saw them later on in the hallway looking rather rumpled).

Leroy walked over to me completely amazed while everyone lost their minds. When did the Electric Slide become a bump and grind? I think Leroy, Karl, and I were the only ones fully dressed and sober.

Rona must be an exotic dancer part-time, because she was working a table in the back. And I'll be damned if the girl didn't have enough money on the table to pay her rent for the next three months. Twice I looked over and saw her giving some serious lap dances.

I've always thought that Humans were strange creatures, and this just confirmed my theory. By the time Karl made his announcement, I was more than ready to go.

I didn't know if I was going to be able to face my co-workers this morning without bursting into peales of laughter, but amazingly, most of them called in for the rest of the week.

First Date

After the drama with my parents, I needed to let off some steam. Just my luck all the bad guys seem to have hunkered down for the holidays. I'm pacing back and forth and the phone rings. Now, I haven't had very good luck with phone calls either, but I go ahead and answer anywhere.
"Hello?"

"Hey Terra,"

Well, well, well. What have we here. It's Neil. My coffee date. Just the distraction I need. Neil invites me out for a late night drink. Hmm. We might be on to something here. I quickly call my upstairs neighbor, Charmaine. On rare occasions, she's baby-sitted for me in a crunch. Lucky for me, she was happy to do it. I quickly dressed and got out of the house before something else could happen.

We met down at Shorty's, a little bar far away from the usual hangout of some of my team. Some of them are beyond nosy. We're sitting there, drinking, having a good time. When - you got it - my cell goes off. Now, I would ignore it, but I've got some bills to pay, so I need to be on the tab for this one. So I figure what I'll do is this: I'll wait for Dispatch to find someone else to answer the call.

Well, it seems nobody else wants to answer the call either. The phone rings twice more. By now, Neil's looking at me kind of strange. "Do you need to get that?"

I shake my head. "No it's okay," I answered as the phone went off again. This time it was a text message. Once again, I tried to ignore it. But unfortunately, nobody can hide from Dispatch. Within the next five minutes, I heard the bar's phone ring. Somebody called out, "Hey, is there somebody named Terra Stone in here?"

That's impossible. If I didn't know better, I'd think he had shoved a recording device in some unmentionable area of our bodies. I'd heard horror stories before that dispatch could find people anywhere, but I'd never believed it, until now.

I walked over to the bar and grabbed the phone.

"Dispatch, I swear whatever it is, it had better be damned good. And how the hell did you find me anyway?"

"Number One, it's beyond good, it's excellent. Number 2, it tracked down the signal in your cellphone."

"Next time I'll leave the damn thing home."

He laughed. "Look, we need your special powers for this one, nobody else can handle it."

That's what he always says when nobody else will answer. This is supposed to be the Urban 30. So you mean to tell me that out of thirty people, he can't find anybody else to handle this?"

Dispatch proceeded to give the details for the job. Sighing, I walk back to the table, trying to figure out how I'm gonna break the news to Neil that I've got to go. To my surprise, when I got back to the table, I found it empty, with money for the check and a note.

"Terra, give me a call when you get things together."

Damn. Just when things were starting to look up.

Unexpected Visitiors

I always thought I was pretty lucky in the fact that I don't have to deal with parents or in-laws like most humans. Considering my Ex's parents are dead and mine are light years away, I get to raise my daughter in peace. Or so I thought.

Imagine my surprise when I open the door to find my extra hyper, super sensitive, my way or the highway folks standing on my doorstep. I feel a headache coming on.

"Terra! We've finally found you." My mother stepped gingerly across the doorstep, with her face screwed up like she smelled something bad. "What a quaint...what do you call this?"

"An apartment mother." I answered. I was already counting on her to get indignant and leave before they saw Kara. My father walked in, and went straight to the plants. Typical.

I asked them how they managed to find me, and they told me about the stories that had been floating around for years about the sprout (me) who had hitchhiked to Earth. Considering I came up missing at the time, they kinda figured out it was me.

I had just turned to my mother to figure out why she hadn't started in on her tirade yet, and saw Kara standing in the doorway of her room. Kara walked over to me and held my hand. I have to give it to her, it takes a lot to through my child off balance.

"Mommy who are these people?"

took a deep breath before I replied. "They're your grandparents." I don't know whose face showed more shock, theirs or Kara's. My father immediately walked over to Kara and looked at her. "She's half-human."

No shit Sherlock. "Yes. She is." My mother's face started looking like she was sucking on a lemon. "This is why you left home? To copulate with humans, and run wild, like some, some WEED!"

I was gonna have to get this broad out of my apartment before she blew a gasket. If she went off, this whole city was gonna be in trouble. Did I mention that my mother controlled lightning? One well placed bolt and BOOM! We're all going to hell in a hand basket. One little piece at a time.

I looked over at my father. He can usually calm her down. I just hoped that this time wouldn't be the exception. You see, they were trying to marry me off to this guy back home. He was alright looking I guess, but his thing was water. Could you imagine? Puddles everywhere, wet sloppy kisses, and I didn't EVEN want to think about sex with him. My parents didn't care, he was very prominent within our government, and my mother was one of the biggest schemers of all time.

Now thru this entire tirade, Kara had remained quiet.

I heard a squelching noise coming across the floor to see Kara's pet easing across the floor. Now, mind you, Kara doesn't have my powers, but she's a doozy all on her own. Her pet was a live Ficus. I saw my father's face soften (did I mention he has a thing for plants?) While my mother's looked like a thundercloud.. (did I mention she doesn't like humans?)

Without another word, she grabbed my father by the hand and disappeared. It wasn't much of a confrontation, but it could have been ten times worse. But even worse, I knew it wasn't over.

Disturbance

Okay this is how it happened.

Last night, somewhere around nine, I was sitting at home, relaxing with Kara (monitoring her on the internet) when the phone rings. Now, I know it's not Dispatch, cause I already told him don't call me tonight on threat of Death.

Curious, I answer the phone, and this a**hole starts rambling on the telephone about how he's calling me to collect on a debt, and how I'm about to be charged with fraud and all this other crazy stuff.

When I owe a bill, I know I owe it. I don't need some dimwit calling me making threats. Talking about sending me to jail and other crazy crap. Who does he think he is! You don't call people, especially not that late, talking about a bill. That's just wrong.

Whenever I do get a call like that, it makes me want to go the the prison and slap my ex.

He didn't realize who he was messing with did he?

First off, he interrupted my quiet time with Kara.

Secondly, you don't make collection calls to superheroes.

In other words, I'm definitely the wrong person to call with this kind of nonsense.

I promptly hung up up on him and called Leroy.

"You got me."

He always answers like that.

"What's Tellico's number?" I asked.

"Why couldn't you just call dispatch?"

"Cause I don't need Tony asking why." He sighed then quickly rattled off the phone number. "Is that it?". I answered yes and told him I'd see him at work tomorrow.

Tellico is one of the Urban 30. His specialty is travelling along the phone lines. And he's super fast now that they've got fiber optics.

I dialed and waited patiently for him to answer. "Yo Tell."

Next thing I knew he was standing in my living room. "'Sup, Terra"

I shook my head. It did no good to scold him about arriving unannounced. He just couldn't seem to help himself.

"I need a favor." I proceeded to explain to him about the nasty collection agent. By the end of my description he had a wide smile on his face. "Dial the number. This is gonna be good." I dialed and watched in amazement as he dived into the phone line.

About 30 minutes later, my phone rings. Before I can get the receiver to my ear, out pops Tellico, grinning from ear to ear.

"They won't be calling you again."

I smiled. "You didn't give him a heart attack did you?"

"Naw"he replied. "He was a little surprised to see somebody jump out of his phone, but he's alright."

"So I won't have to worry about him calling me acting crazy again?"

"Nope. As a matter of fact, your debt is paid in full. He paid for it himself." By now, my mouth is hanging open. "He what?" Tellico grins. "As a matter of fact, he said to have a happy holiday and to let him know if there's anything he can do for you. Ever."

I smiled. "I owe you big time." He waved as he punched in his number and jumped back in the phone.

Good. Somebody who acts like that deserves to be scared silly. I would've liked the heart attack, but I'm trying to remember that I'm a superhero to save lives, not end them.

Now that's what I call teamwork. Still.....

Pieces of the Puzzle

Here I am sitting in my office, enjoying the peace and quiet.

This is a rare moment for me, cause something's always happening. Either I'm getting a call about some supervillian, or I'm getting a call about my daughter from the Director of the Daycare (oh, joy!), or I'm getting a call from my villanous ex-husband (which luckily are collect so I can always use the excuse that I can't afford the call and hang up, which isn't far from truth)
Not too many people at this company have offices, but I raised so much hell about needing quiet for all the analysis and reporting work that I have to do that they finally gave in. So what was the very first thing I did when I moved in here? Did I hang up paintings, or place little pictures of my daughter all over the place? Nope.

I locked the door and took a ten minute nap.

Most people leave me alone to work my statistical magic, but this morning, Daisy decides to make a quick drive by, (she literally ran in and out of my office in two seconds flat) placing a two inch stack of papers in my tray. Now, since our last incident, she makes it a point to avoid me. I'm surprised she even came to work today. Sighing, I reached over to grab the stack and see what it was. What in the world could HR need me to do now? The only good thing about their whole department is that they almost never have to bother me.

Curious, I flipped through the stack. Health Insurance open season.

Considering I'm not human in the first place, the last thing I need is some quack trying to figure out why I have four left ventricles. The same with Kara. She's at least half human, but I still don't want to go there. I grabbed a pen and immediately started opting out of everything when I happened to run into a piece of paper in the stack that I don't think I was meant to see.

In my hot little hands, I happen to have a copy of an advanced internet background check. Now, I'm not talking about one of the ones that gives you two or three people and you have to guess who the one you want is, I mean one that tracks down everything you've done since birth. I scanned down the page a little more and realized that this one had been run recently on Karl, the new guy. And it looked like he had been paying for his little bondage sessions by credit card. American Express to be exact. Hmm, I hope his wife's not the one who pays the bills.

I'm sitting here and thinking that I really should call somebody to let them know their mistake, but then I figured, "nah". They'd notice it was missing eventually. So I kept looking to see if I could find out who had requested the report, and I came across some things that left me absolutely amazed. (Four hundred dollars for leather diaper? This boy had some serious issues! And this was the company posterchild?)

I know our HR department didn't pull it the report, because if that was the case, I'd have never gotten a job. I mean let's face it, I put a whole new meaning to the term illegal alien.

I was almost at the end of the report before I realized who bought it. As I stared at the name on the paper a lot of questions were finally answered.

I immediately picked up the phone to call Leroy. So what it was 7:30 and he didn't usually get up till 8:30? I was pretty sure that he'd be wide awake when I told him that I'd found out how Ron in Procurement was getting his information. He was in cahoots with somebody Leroy and I had been after for a long time.

Hackin' Harry.

Coffee Date

Against my better judgement, I decided to meet Neil for coffee. I figured it would be for the best if I did it early in the day, before lunch, when I stand more of chance of my co-workers seeing me. So I dressed in my shortest professional suit, since my legs are my best feature, threw on a little bit of makeup (all natural, of course), and waited anxiously for 10:00, the time notorious around the city for coffee breaks.

He told me that he was going to be wearing a black suit, with a paisley tie. Like that didn't describle 50 other men wandering around this time of day. Luckily, he spotted me before I was able to pick him out. And I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. He was on the tall side, about 5'11 with a butter-brown complexion, medium brown eyes, and a nice smile.

So, we ordered our drinks and found a table in the back where we could talk in peace. He seemed to be very intelligent which was good, since I can't stand dumb, goofy men. He's drinking coffee, and I'm sipping away on my green tea. I started to really relax and enjoy myself, for a moment I could almost believe that I wouldn't have to jump up in the middle of the conversation to go knock the hell out of some fool trying to take over the city.

He placed his hand on mine. I looked deep into his eyes and actually thought about going out on a nice quiet date, when out the corner of my eye I see Leroy walk into the store. Oh Hell. He's the last person I wanted to see me.

Imagine my surprise when he walks over to the counter and starts grinning down at the sales girl. Leroy's trying to get his mack on! I was so busy being nosy, I almost forgot I was at the table with Neil. Here he is trying to throw all his little superfriends at me and he's trying to mack the coffee girl.

It's on.

The New Kid on the Block

Okay, let's talk about our sometimey partner, Ean. He seems like an alright guy, but I'm sorry to say that he's already starting out with a few strikes against him in my book.

1. He made the mistake of trying to be nice to Kara. He tried to offer her a lollipop, but Miss Thing proceeded to break down the chemical content, caloric intake, and the effect of sugar on the enamel of your teeth. Let's just say, he won't try that again.

2. And speaking of teeth? His teeth. He's one of those people who smiles and shows bicuspids, molars, the whole nine yards. It's just a little too sinister for me. Reminds me too much of my ex.

3. Him and Leroy are a little too buddy-buddy. Now, I know what you're gonna say. I'm jealous. NOT! Leroy's cool with me, he's like a little brother (well, a BIG little brother) and until I meet the man who has absolutely no aspirations for world domination or running around in a pair of spandex trying to save this crazy world? - all I'm gonna say is have batteries, will travel.

4. You never know if he's gonna help or not. Prime example: There was one time he was supposed to have been flying with me, but then he had the nerve to tell me he was scared of heights. Then when we argued and I told him he wasn't fast enough to run to the scene, he asked what made me think he was gonna run. He told me he was gonna catch a cab and meet me there. And granted, he did show up, with a cup of latte' in hand, leaning on a lamppost after everything was over.

Something about him is just off. I'm definitely gonna watch my back around him.

The King of Pain

So here I am, half working, half chatting with Neil, this guy I met through E-Harmony and I dare not tell Leroy. He'll never let me hear the end of it. He keeps trying to set me up with guys he knows, but they're all superheroes.

Neil and I have been chatting for a couple of weeks, trading jokes back and forth. For now, we seem to be getting along fine. But with my luck in men, that could change real quick.

I was enjoying myself until Daniel, the intern for my department, comes in and closes the door. "Guess what I just heard?" he asked running over to my desk. I quickly minimized my screen. Some of the things Neil was hinting at were not for young eyes.

"I heard that the new guy Karl, is into bondage." I know my eyes nearly popped from my head. There's no way they couldn't have.

You have to understand. Karl was this little ivy league yuppie that the office just hired to improve their chances at getting a grant. Considering the poor boy just started on Monday, I really didn't think that he had gotten so friendly with anyone that he just blurted something like that out. You'd have to see him to understand what I mean: Blond hair, blue eyes, slim build, with perfectly capped teeth. His wife, (he has picture of the two of them together on his desk) is pretty much the same. They look more like brother and sister than husband and wife. And to put the icing on the cake, she's expecting!

Strictly out of curiosity I asked "What kind of bondage? Is he beating somebody's ass, or is he getting his ass kicked?"

I don't think I've ever seen Daniel laughing so hard. "He's likes getting his ass kicked. And check this out." By now he's laughing so hard he's about to pee on himself. "They said his dominatrix name is Big Bertha." Now normally, I try not to get involved with the rumors in this office (though we have had some spicy ones), but this was too good to pass up. I had Daniel quickly fill me in on the rest of the so called "details" and sent him back to work.

A few minutes later, I happened to look up and see Leroy walk by my office coming back from a meeting, (did I mention that Leroy's always in a meeting?) when I see this crazy expression on his face. I started to call him, but then again, I've been in meetings with Ron. He was gonna need a few minutes.

So, I go back to chatting with Neil, who's trying to talk me into going out with him. I'm toying around with the idea, but thoughts of him and Kara meeting give me hives. I'm trying to figure out how to let Neil down gently, and talk him into starting with a cup of coffee when Leroy walks into my office and closes the door. "I am so sick of Ron. Him and the new guy Karl got into it in the meeting today. I bet by the end of the day Ron will have started a rumor about him."

"You're late." I said crossing my arms. "That rumor surfaced while you guys were in your meeting." From what I could understand, Ron must have hit the grind as soon as this poor kid walked in the office. How does he do it?

I cringed when Leroy pulled his arm back and looked like he was gonna hit something. Luckily for me, he was able to pull himself together. One good punch from him, and this little raggedy building would fall apart. Hold on. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea after all? Maybe I should egg him on a little more.

So I proceeded to give him some of the other details. "He supposedly has this dominatrix named Big Bertha that ties him up and spanks him. She's a very statuesque 6'2, coal black, and has blond cornrows."

"Did you say blond cornrows?" Leroy started to look really strange for a minute before running out. "I'll call you later." he said. How in the hell does Ron find all of this stuff out?

All I can say is, his days are definitely numbered.

What Christmas Spirit?

I had to hear Leroy's mouth about not showing up at his house to decorate over the weekend. I would have really loved to go, but him and Kara don't always get along so hot. Kara has some of my powers, (even at her early age), but unfortunately, she's got her daddy's brain. Trust me when I say this is a lethal combination.

The Director of the Daycare center called me into her office when I went to pick up Kara on Friday. Imagine my surprise when she told me the while the other children were sleeping, the teachers got together with the director for a quick meeting about the Christmas party. Kara managed to sneak out of the room, into the Director's office, and managed to hack into the database for the Bureau of Prisons looking for information on her father. Now mind you, if this was any other 2 year old, I wouldn't have believed it. But Kara? I believe it and then some.

She evidently saw the last envelope that Christopher sent me from jail. This fool wrote that once he gets out we'll be one happy family. When hell freezes over! The whole experience with him was enough to make me want to go back to my home planet.

Anyway. Thanks to the meeting with the Director, I'm already stressed. Then I have to announce to my little girl that we're going to Leroy's to help decorate. I've taken Kara with me a few times over to Leroy's and it wasn't pretty. Kara's got this whole Feng Shui thing going on, and according to her, his place is all out of sync and gives her a headache. So here I am, trying to get her to get dressed and get out of the house so we can go help him decorate.

Finally, I just gave up. Derrick was there, and I already know how he operates. I always laugh cause Leroy thinks that Derrick's little sister gave him the nickname "Jiffy Jeff". Little does he know, that name came from Derrick's girlfriend at the time. And it has nothing to do with how fast he can run. And not to mention that our new off and on partner, Ean, was there. There's something about him that just doesn't sit well with me. So I let Kara go back to her hacking (I had already called the jail and told them to beef up their password security), and climbed into the bed with a good book. That small amount of peace and quiet was worth the dirty looks that Leroy's been giving me all day.

The Office Gossip

You know, the really hard part about working with your fellow superhero is the nosy people in the office. Leroy and I work in different departments, but when something comes up and we're needed, we usually just tell people that we’re going out to a meeting.

Unfortunately, when you have people like Daisy and Ron around, it’s not hard for rumors to get started.

The other day, Leroy wound up fighting CyBerNome. CyBerNome figured he would cause a little bit of havoc with the morning rush hour traffic. He’s got to be one of the dumbest guys I know. Even if Leroy hadn’t been there, he would have caught a beat down from all those yuppies and buppies running late for work. It’s a jungle out there. They’d stab their best friend in the back to get ahead; they weren’t about to let some little silly wanna-be bad guy get in their way.

Anyway, Daisy strolls into the breakroom while I’m pouring some coffee. She goes, “Oh, I didn’t think you were here, Leroy isn’t in yet” in one of her snide little tones.

(NOTE: DO NOT MAKE SMART ASS COMMENTS TO A WOMAN THAT YOU BARELY KNOW WHILE SHE IS STANDING NEAR A POT OF SCALDING HOT COFFEE.)

Now, it just so happens that I would have been late if he needed me. I mean, he is, after all, my partner. But when I called him to see if he needed backup, he told me that his biggest problem was keeping the commuters from jumping CyBerNome.

I’m not going to go into details about exactly what I said to her. I will say, Daisy now does most of her work from home. Now I just have to get Ron straight.

On second thought, I’ll just wait for Leroy to get wind of it. He can't stand Ron anyway.

A Real Day in the Life

Okay, let me tell you how my day went yesterday.

I'm sitting at work around 3:00 when I get a nasty email from E-Klypse. This fool has the nerve to tell me that if I don't agree to go out with him on Saturday, he's gonna block the Sun and kill off all life on this planet as we know it. There's absolutely no way I'm going out with him, so of course I've got to go stop him. Leroy was in some long drawn out meeting that I was glad as hell I didn't have through, so I figured I'd go solo.

So, here I am, seriously fighting it out with E-Klypse, when I happen to look at my watch and notice that it's almost 6:00. I realize that I've been fighting this fool for three hours. Under normal circumstances, I could have already wrapped this up, but a sister is cramping and that always puts my powers below the norm.

Now I have a whole new problem, it being 6, the witching hour for daycare centers far and wide, I know that I'd better hurry up cause I have to go pick up my daughter.

If I'm late, I'll never hear the end of it from the Director. This will be the third time this week. These folks are gonna wanna call Social Services on me. They don't care that you're out trying to save the world, they just want you to get your kid. You'd think they'd cut me a break. The last time this happened, it was televised on every station in the city and all over the radio. This broad had the nerve to tell me that she didn't hear anything about it and tried to charge me double.

For some reason, they think cause my ex-husband was a rich supervillian that I'm sitting on a fortune. NOT! All that money is tied up in a trust. I have to cuss out the lawyer just to get money to pay the daycare.

So I figure, let me give Leroy a quick call to see if he can either pick up Kara or come finish this punk off for me. So I'm calling and calling, and he won't answer! It's probably on purpose, he thinks E-Klypse likes me anyway. How in the hell did I wind up as a supervillian magnet?

I finally wind up busting E-Klypse upside his head with a 2 x4 so I can get my girl before 6:30. Leroy is definitely gonna hear about this.